7/31/2003
Absent the day they taught law...
Pet Peeve #134: "You can get it off the tape, can't you?" Actually had a greenie ask me that when I tried to explain that, even though the witness is a combative hillbilly that won't shut up long enough for counsel to form a complete question, the solution isn't to try to out-shout Goober. When he asked me about the tape, I informed him that the tape isn't the record, that the dash-riddled cacophony of crap currently stinking up my screen is and will forever be the record. The other attorneys in the room incessantly tried to stop the hayseed from interrupting, but Mr. Questioner just powered through his outline unfettered.
Some days are better than others...
Pet Peeve #134: "You can get it off the tape, can't you?" Actually had a greenie ask me that when I tried to explain that, even though the witness is a combative hillbilly that won't shut up long enough for counsel to form a complete question, the solution isn't to try to out-shout Goober. When he asked me about the tape, I informed him that the tape isn't the record, that the dash-riddled cacophony of crap currently stinking up my screen is and will forever be the record. The other attorneys in the room incessantly tried to stop the hayseed from interrupting, but Mr. Questioner just powered through his outline unfettered.Some days are better than others...
7/25/2003
Pulled a complete Ironman yesterday. Started at 8:30 a.m. on a realtime pharmaceutical expert, which went to about 4:30; then packed up and drove across Houston to start a realtime med mal plaintiff at 6:30, which ended at 12:30 this morning. It wasn't the most pages I've gotten in one day, but it's certainly the longest I've been on the record.
By the way, just a comment on what seems to be the new trend of counsel wanting to push the reporter back down the table at video depos. It's never a problem if there's no videographer, but more and more on videos it seems the questioner wants to sit right by the witness, as does the witness' counsel, which usually leaves me looking at the back of the deponent’s head from down the table. If counsel is insistent on doing this, I'll try plugging headphones into the videographer's mixer so I can hear, but I'd much rather be where I can hear and read lips, if need be. I have on occasion told them, "Don't impede my ability to do my job, and I won't impede your ability to do yours by constantly interrupting because I can't hear." This comment usually garners a look of utter amazement, something to the effect of, "Who is this retard, and why is he our court reporter?" Maybe it's a passing fad...
Hope springs eternal, don't it?
By the way, just a comment on what seems to be the new trend of counsel wanting to push the reporter back down the table at video depos. It's never a problem if there's no videographer, but more and more on videos it seems the questioner wants to sit right by the witness, as does the witness' counsel, which usually leaves me looking at the back of the deponent’s head from down the table. If counsel is insistent on doing this, I'll try plugging headphones into the videographer's mixer so I can hear, but I'd much rather be where I can hear and read lips, if need be. I have on occasion told them, "Don't impede my ability to do my job, and I won't impede your ability to do yours by constantly interrupting because I can't hear." This comment usually garners a look of utter amazement, something to the effect of, "Who is this retard, and why is he our court reporter?" Maybe it's a passing fad...
Hope springs eternal, don't it?
7/21/2003
Clark's got nothing on me...
Finally got around to doing the family vacation thing this weekend. Went to the Texas Hill Country and played in the Guadalupe River. Then I made the heinous miscalculation that we could fit the Schlitterbahn water park into the way home on Sunday. At times like these, I find it best to express my feelings in haiku:
Schlitterbahn, I would
rather have my scrotum nailed
to a ceiling fan
My wife concurs and adds that "left breast" is a valid substitution.
Finally got around to doing the family vacation thing this weekend. Went to the Texas Hill Country and played in the Guadalupe River. Then I made the heinous miscalculation that we could fit the Schlitterbahn water park into the way home on Sunday. At times like these, I find it best to express my feelings in haiku:
rather have my scrotum nailed
to a ceiling fan
My wife concurs and adds that "left breast" is a valid substitution.
7/18/2003
Johnny Always Says it Best...
Finally recovered from my week-long bout of cancellitis with one of those depos that never fails to return your feeling of self-worth. You know the kind: Everyone in the room is polite and respectful, they're not engaged in a urination contest, and they understand what it means to make a good record. You're nailing all the readbacks, you've got LiveNote going on a couple screens, and it's all coming up copper-plate since they're not talking all at once. It's the kind of depo where you walk out knowing that you truly did your job the way it's supposed to be done.
More and more these days it seems rookie lawyers are taught that the law must be practiced at 350 words per minute. I had a newbie (from a very large, well-respected law firm, by the way) chide me on a break because I yelled "One at a time" on the record when he incessantly kept talking over the witness. Here was his comment: "Um, you know, could you not yell so loud when I talk over the witness? It really startles me. Could you like wave your hands or something to get my attention?"
WAVE MY HANDS?!?!? I got 385 Texas-sized pages in five hours, he only took breaks when the videographer had to change tapes, and this nutball wants me to WAVE MY HANDS?
My comment to him was, "Well, I was trying to startle you back into Q&A." Then I left the room to cool down. For the record, Mr. Cash is illustrating the exact manner in which I considered waving to counsel.
"Experience teaches only the teachable." - Aldous Huxley
Finally recovered from my week-long bout of cancellitis with one of those depos that never fails to return your feeling of self-worth. You know the kind: Everyone in the room is polite and respectful, they're not engaged in a urination contest, and they understand what it means to make a good record. You're nailing all the readbacks, you've got LiveNote going on a couple screens, and it's all coming up copper-plate since they're not talking all at once. It's the kind of depo where you walk out knowing that you truly did your job the way it's supposed to be done. More and more these days it seems rookie lawyers are taught that the law must be practiced at 350 words per minute. I had a newbie (from a very large, well-respected law firm, by the way) chide me on a break because I yelled "One at a time" on the record when he incessantly kept talking over the witness. Here was his comment: "Um, you know, could you not yell so loud when I talk over the witness? It really startles me. Could you like wave your hands or something to get my attention?"
WAVE MY HANDS?!?!? I got 385 Texas-sized pages in five hours, he only took breaks when the videographer had to change tapes, and this nutball wants me to WAVE MY HANDS?
My comment to him was, "Well, I was trying to startle you back into Q&A." Then I left the room to cool down. For the record, Mr. Cash is illustrating the exact manner in which I considered waving to counsel.
"Experience teaches only the teachable." - Aldous Huxley
7/15/2003
Weathering Hurricane Claudette
Well, I'm sitting here about 30 miles from the eye of Claudette. Plenty of rain, but I haven't seen the Wicked Witch fly by on her bike yet, so I guess we'll live. Of course, the weather has done a fine job of inflaming my cancellitis. I'm up to five (make that six from the e-mail I received while writing this) cancelled jobs or no-shows in the last three (four) days. Oh, well. Lean stretches used to panic me; now I live by the adage that "Slowdowns are God's way of telling you to get a hobby."
Discovered a whole other language spoken by a couple of Rezulin experts. Here's a few of my faves with briefs:
glitazone - GLIZ
troglitazone - TROIG
pioglitazone - PAOEG
rosiglitazone - ROEG
Rezulin - R*EZ
diclofenac - DAOIK
sulfonylurea - SAOUFL
thiazolidinedione - T*DZ/T*DZ (TZD - T*DZ)
glucose - GLAOUX
Well, I'm sitting here about 30 miles from the eye of Claudette. Plenty of rain, but I haven't seen the Wicked Witch fly by on her bike yet, so I guess we'll live. Of course, the weather has done a fine job of inflaming my cancellitis. I'm up to five (make that six from the e-mail I received while writing this) cancelled jobs or no-shows in the last three (four) days. Oh, well. Lean stretches used to panic me; now I live by the adage that "Slowdowns are God's way of telling you to get a hobby."Discovered a whole other language spoken by a couple of Rezulin experts. Here's a few of my faves with briefs:
glitazone - GLIZ
troglitazone - TROIG
pioglitazone - PAOEG
rosiglitazone - ROEG
Rezulin - R*EZ
diclofenac - DAOIK
sulfonylurea - SAOUFL
thiazolidinedione - T*DZ/T*DZ (TZD - T*DZ)
glucose - GLAOUX
7/12/2003
The Mike-Six-Pack Review...
Finally got a little breathing room from proofing, had some time to watch a couple movies. More on court reporting later, but for now, I'm this guy -->.
Scotland, PA (****) - Hilarious dark comic retelling of Shakespeare's Macbeth, except they're the McBeths and they take over Duncan's hamburger stand circa 1978. If you were alive then and can remember the clothes, hairstyles, cars and tunes, rent this one pronto!
25th Hour (*) - I hate Spike Lee. I always have. I love Edward Norton, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Barry Pepper. I thought with that cast, Spike couldn't possibly make another pathetic crappy movie. I couldn't have been more wrong. I think he called it 25th Hour because he's found a way to make two hours seem like 25. Run away from this movie like your ass hair's on fire.
28 Days Later (**1/2) - Horror movies just don't work on me anymore. Maybe I've grown up. Maybe watching the news is more terrifying than any movie could ever be. That said, this is the smartest horror flick I've seen in a long time. It frequently loses momentum and grinds to a halt, but it did manage to make me jump out of my seat once or twice.
Adaptation (*1/2) - Nick Cage's career peaked in 1987 with his portrayal of H.I. McDonnough. Since then, he's made more bad career choices than that guy running the deep fryer at McDonalds (8mm, Bring Out Your Dead). I'm sure this movie means something to someone, but it was completely lost on me.
Finally got a little breathing room from proofing, had some time to watch a couple movies. More on court reporting later, but for now, I'm this guy -->.Scotland, PA (****) - Hilarious dark comic retelling of Shakespeare's Macbeth, except they're the McBeths and they take over Duncan's hamburger stand circa 1978. If you were alive then and can remember the clothes, hairstyles, cars and tunes, rent this one pronto!
25th Hour (*) - I hate Spike Lee. I always have. I love Edward Norton, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Barry Pepper. I thought with that cast, Spike couldn't possibly make another pathetic crappy movie. I couldn't have been more wrong. I think he called it 25th Hour because he's found a way to make two hours seem like 25. Run away from this movie like your ass hair's on fire.
28 Days Later (**1/2) - Horror movies just don't work on me anymore. Maybe I've grown up. Maybe watching the news is more terrifying than any movie could ever be. That said, this is the smartest horror flick I've seen in a long time. It frequently loses momentum and grinds to a halt, but it did manage to make me jump out of my seat once or twice.
Adaptation (*1/2) - Nick Cage's career peaked in 1987 with his portrayal of H.I. McDonnough. Since then, he's made more bad career choices than that guy running the deep fryer at McDonalds (8mm, Bring Out Your Dead). I'm sure this movie means something to someone, but it was completely lost on me.
7/10/2003
Sorry about the screwed up links to the forum and classified ads. Bravenet, setting aside the pop-up ads, is a great free service, but sometimes they jog left and forget to tell the rest of the world.
Slowly fixing all the links in between hammering on my rush Enron depo and my rush environmental permitting expert, both of which are scant few days old, but they want 'em yesterday... Hey, Rocky, wanna see me pull a rabbit outta my hat?
Slowly fixing all the links in between hammering on my rush Enron depo and my rush environmental permitting expert, both of which are scant few days old, but they want 'em yesterday... Hey, Rocky, wanna see me pull a rabbit outta my hat?
7/5/2003
From the aforementioned colonic depo, I just found a great example of why we proofread. "100 psi of pressure" mistranned as "100 psi of pleasure." Don't even know if that's possible, but sure makes for an interesting read.
Some of these are just for me...
Some of these are just for me...
7/3/2003
We've all had those days where we have to fight cracking up in the middle of the proceedings. When I saw on the notice that the lead defendant was a colonic irrigation clinic, I knew it was going to be one of those days.
The first lip-biting occurred as the South American witness was describing the conversation she had with the plaintiff regarding the plaintiff's chronic constipation. The witness related that the plaintiff attributed her years of discomfort to the fact that her mother used to say, and this is a quote, South American accent and all, that "issa no sexy to poop." Follow that up with protracted testimony about where she put the sheet (talking about the cloth used to cover up clients, but with the accent, it was hard to tell), and you've got a roomful of us sputtering and snorting, trying to hold back hysterics.
After months of Enron depos, this definitely qualifies as a refreshing change.
The first lip-biting occurred as the South American witness was describing the conversation she had with the plaintiff regarding the plaintiff's chronic constipation. The witness related that the plaintiff attributed her years of discomfort to the fact that her mother used to say, and this is a quote, South American accent and all, that "issa no sexy to poop." Follow that up with protracted testimony about where she put the sheet (talking about the cloth used to cover up clients, but with the accent, it was hard to tell), and you've got a roomful of us sputtering and snorting, trying to hold back hysterics.
After months of Enron depos, this definitely qualifies as a refreshing change.
Greetings!
As I've grown up, ditched the convertible and the loft, acquired a wife, three kids, a Yukon and mass square footage in the burbs, I've come to the sad conclusion that there's just not enough hours in the day to keep depoman.com as updated as it should be. That being the case, I have always wanted to have a quick, low-maintenance way to float ideas, funny stories, anecdotes and banal rantings to the web without restructuring my entire site to accommodate them. Hence, I present depo•blog. Whether it's the top 10 things I hate about the fast-talking mushmouth that I had to write this morning or the hilarious mistran that came up on everyone's screen that stopped the depo dead in its tracks, my plan is to air it all right here.
As I've grown up, ditched the convertible and the loft, acquired a wife, three kids, a Yukon and mass square footage in the burbs, I've come to the sad conclusion that there's just not enough hours in the day to keep depoman.com as updated as it should be. That being the case, I have always wanted to have a quick, low-maintenance way to float ideas, funny stories, anecdotes and banal rantings to the web without restructuring my entire site to accommodate them. Hence, I present depo•blog. Whether it's the top 10 things I hate about the fast-talking mushmouth that I had to write this morning or the hilarious mistran that came up on everyone's screen that stopped the depo dead in its tracks, my plan is to air it all right here.
